Pushing the panic button

Yesterday morning I had that awful feeling of impending panic - not full blown panic - but the feeling that I could flip over into a frenzied, frazzled, ferocious woman at any moment.  The list is long, the time is short.  We have a soccer state semi-final match an hour and a half away today, a high school graduation and reception tomorrow, and a wedding in Michigan next weekend.  A LOT in a short period of time.  And I, of course, want everything to be perfect.

In moments like yesterday morning's, when the list seems overwhelming and my dissatisfaction with my own planning and time management, as well as my desire for everyone to "jump to" and get things done to my unrealistic specifications threaten to sour all relationships and turn me into a crazy woman, words from Elisabeth Elliot provide calming direction:

Do the next thing

The next thing yesterday was graduation reception food.  Pinwheel sandwiches.  Spread the cream cheese.  Dab on the cranberry sauce, lay the turkey and cheese slices, roll.  One by one til a mountain of rolled tortillas covered the tray.  Wrap and refrigerate.  On to the next task...

Slicing the rolls made the day before.  One by one.  Sharp bread knife cutting each roll, each pinwheel placed in the container, stack by stack, the tin is full and cut off ends are enjoyed by all, making me feel pleased that they will taste good, look nice, and be enjoyed by our graduation guests.

And in the evening, a long planned women's fellowship.  How many other things could I have gotten done at home during that time??  But this is important and a car ride with a friend and a bit of conversation with women to try and understand needs and think on how to support and encourage shifts my focus from me to the larger body.  Don't we all have our own stuff?  And isn't it easy to get stuck in our own stuff and not lift our eyes to others.

This morning, an early drive to take Joel to work and an early appointment with the hairdresser that I am liking more and more each time I go.  And what did we talk about?  Paying attention.  Learning to focus on what we are doing.  The dangers of multitasking.

I am letting go of the ideal of perfection.  I do this over and over and over again.  Spotless floors are not that important.  Good food and happy conversation are remembered more.  Flowers on the table and an atmosphere of peace stay with you.

Oh, I'm not slowing down.  There is a lot to do.  That's for sure.  But I have taken a breath. 

There is, of course, a spiritual application here for me.  Not a new one, but one I revisit often.  A Mary and Martha point to be made.  I read this the other morning:

"The issue wasn't her preparations; it was her distractions.  It wasn't the many things; it was that the many things didn't revolve around the one thing that was needed." from Windows of the Soul by Ken Gire

And what it that one thing?  Sitting and listening to Jesus.  How often I have to relearn this lesson.  Put Christ at the center.  Read the Word.  Then do your work.  One thing at a time.

My friend, Tonia, writes about these things considerably more eloquently than I do.  If you are close to pushing the panic button and needing to slow down, simplify, refocus, I encourage you to read some of her less: :more posts.

And now, there is a half hour that stretches before me til time to go to the soccer tournament.  I will stop and go work in my garden where the last of the seedlings await transplanting.  That won't put me closer to having a perfect graduation reception, but it is the next thing that needs doing.  I take joy in it.