Every day in June #5

Let's talk about something besides cycling, shall we?!

The end of May/beginning of June are full of family events. I'll start today and work my way back ...

Erin and Luke celebrated their 11th anniversary today!
Jonathan turned 30 last Friday. Yikes! I have two thirty-somethings now.
Matthew and Kailie celebrated their second wedding anniversary last Tuesday, May 31.
Jonathan and Kandyce celebrated their sixth anniversary last Monday, May 30.

We were (sadly) not present for any of those milestones because those children faraway live in New York state, Denver, and Minneapolis, respectively. 

BUT ...

We did get to greet baby Caroline Harper Pinckney shortly after she was born on May 20! Grandchild #4 for Coty and me. Very thankfully, this little one and her family live in North Carolina!!!

 Now a family of four! Thomas, Kay, David, and Caroline!

Now, back to cycling, etc. for just a moment. I rode today before the storm blew in. The clouds were low slung and dark, the air heavy with the scent of rain. Fragrance and stench hung in the humid air. Magnolia and skunk. I had a tailwind going out Lee Vaughn Road, a headwind on the way back. I turned around when I saw a dog down the road ahead of me. Not worth the risk. Dogs make me very nervous when I'm cycling alone. So, avoiding the dog was well worth the extra quarter mile.

When I got back, we ate Mama's good chicken salad, fruit, and pimiento cheese on celery.

Then I spend three hours sorting old photos ...

 

 Baby me, 1957

 

Baby Erin, 1983 

and Baby Caroline (not an old photo, 

just fun to look at 

Mother/Gramma, Daughter/Aunt, and Granddaughter/Niece)

Happy birthday, Levi

Two years ago today, we welcomed this little man into the world. That sweet, contemplative little one has grown into a sweet, funny, tender, loving two year old. Just a week or so ago, he started saying, "Gramma." I think he could say it before then but it got to be a little joke between us on skype.

"What's my name?"

"Papa!"
"That's not my name! What's my name?"
"Papa!" ... and on it would go with a tilt of his head and a teasing smile.

But now, he says, "Gramma!"

Today, I said "Happy birthday, Levi. I love you."
He replied, "Happy birthday to you, Gramma. I wuv u too."

Knock me over with a feather.

Saying hello for the first time two years ago 

and

saying good-bye back at the end of my visit back in November

 

Happy birthday, little man!

A rare, dear friend

This blog, I've decided, is like one of those rare, dear, old friends with whom time between conversations doesn't matter. A week, a month, a year ... it makes no difference at all. You just pick right up where you left off, no recriminations, no guilt, no apologies. You both know that life is full and that the silence is not indicative of anything. It only shows that time has passed, more quickly by the year. It really doesn't matter how long it's been, when the call comes and that beloved name pops up on your caller ID, you answer with eagerness and delight.

With such friends, I always -  we always - endeavor to reach out more often and we laugh at ourselves each time we say those words to each other, knowing that it will not likely be so. Ah well, we love each other and each connection is a precious gift, perhaps made more so by the infrequency. Friends like that are rare and very much to be cherished. I have several and my life is so much richer for them.

You may not feel quite that way about this old blog. But maybe it's just a wee bit like that.

Hello, then. Let's just pick right up where we left off, shall we?

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The holidays came and went. They were wonderful. Five of my boys, three daughters-in-law, and one grandbaby were here for varying amounts of time. We squeezed in and I loved every minute of it. Everyone helped to cook and clean. Baby David had lots of time with adoring aunts and uncles. We played games and because it was so very warm, we sat on the porch. One night, we sat outside around the fire. I didn't take very many pictures. I just wanted to live in the time together without a camera between me and all the sweetness of having my family here. We missed our NY crew, but goodness, where would I have put them. A tent, perhaps?

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I didn't make resolutions really. Just told myself that once the holidays were over, it would be back to regular routines and life giving habits.

Time at my desk first thing each morning with my Bible and prayer notebook.

Cleaner, lighter, less sugary eating. I'm usually quite ready for that by the time the new year rolls around.

Regular walks/runs/rides/swims and a bit more stretching. I've already been to the eye doctor and had a physical this month and I don't take my rather low maintenance good health for granted. It is a gift and I am very grateful.

I do have some sewing and work goals in the months ahead. Exciting developments with Make Welcome and eagerness to learn more, sew more. More on all that to come ...

I also have reading goals for the year. I'm upping my goodreads challenge again, this year to 70 books. Some of those 70 books will be a part of my "Read Around the World, from A to Z" adventure. I expect this will take me several years, as I try to read a book about or by an author from every country. I'm not going in any particular order, but the alphabet is a good guide. I've started with Afghanistan and finished two books already. My library stack is growing.

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My children left over the space of a few days after Christmas, thankfully not all at once. Joel was here til after New Year's so that was good. A slow-ish transition for me from the fullness to the quiet. I love them both. I love pulling the table apart and putting in all the leaves, setting the old church bench for two to sit on at the end of the table, and three French presses in constant use. And I love the small table and clear counters and uninterrupted hours. I miss my children - and grandchildren - and do wish they weren't spread nearly so far and wide. On the other hand, seeing a picture like this one makes my heart happy. Uncle Andrew explored subway grates and chased pigeons and did a bit more in New York City this past weekend with Erin, Luke, and the kids. I would have loved to be with them, but I didn't have to be there to feel intensely happy about that time they had together.

 Happy New Year, friends. I'll be back soon.

Thanks to my editor

A few minutes ago, I hit "send." I wrote an article about Make Welcome that will be posted on another website soon. Details to come about where it will appear when I know the date it will be posted. Tonight I want to thank my editor.

After Daddy went to bed, I asked Mama to read the article. She is a fine writer and grammarian and I knew that her hypothetical red pen would be helpful. She read carefully, sentence by sentence, and offered many comments and suggestions. She even critiqued the photos I had chosen and helped me choose alternatives. I took her advice on almost everything. I did have to explain to her that the word "sewist" is commonly used in the sewing world these days. She'd never heard of it.

We rarely do anything like this together and it was wonderful. We should write together more often. If the article is any good, it's partly because I had a great editor. Thanks, Mama.

Challenges

Toward the end of September, I set a couple of challenges for myself: The Couch to 10K Challenge using an app on my phone to spur me on to run further than I have before, and the One Month Plank Challenge. This last one is so simple. Just a few minutes a day doing front and side planks, increasing the duration a few days at a time. Easy peasy. I like these challenges. They keep me focused on exercising regularly and working toward goals. Helpful nudges.

I also thought that perhaps I would write more in October. I thought about challenging myself to write a post a day for the month of my birth. Just a little check-in each day, a picture or two, a thought, or more when time and inspiration came together.

But then, life, as it is wont to do, happened.

One week ago, my dad suffered a stroke. It is the call you don't want to get. The one from your mom saying Daddy is in the hospital.

Also, one week ago, Coty was packing his bags for a three week trip to India. We were going to take one last bike ride together before his trip, cover the pool for the season, and get him all ready to go.

I felt so torn. Stay at home and help my husband get ready for his trip and spend the last evening together or hit the road south to be with my parents at the hospital. After talking with my mom and being assured that my dad was in good hands and doing well, I decided to stay home for the evening. The next day, I took Coty to the airport and kept going south, on the road to the hospital a couple of hours away.

So, no regular posting in October. Instead, I have had the incredible privilege of spending this time with my parents, spending a couple of nights in the hospital with my dad, being with my mom through a rather scary morning when Daddy was not doing well at all, and observing the amazing courage, humor, fortitude, and grace with which they have handled the stroke and its aftermath. It has been a privilege to walk with them through challenges of a very different kind. Challenges of a very different nature and far more serious than exercise routines.

Mostly, it was my dad's speech that was affected. He has trouble remembering words. Sometimes he knows exactly what he wants to say but he cannot draw the words up from the blood clot damaged recesses of his brain. What is beautiful is that most of the time, he laughs at himself. Sometimes he gets frustrated, but mostly he is gracious and rather interested in the phenomenon of knowing the right words but observing that they simply will not come. We have watched as his speech has improved over the last week. Sentences are getting longer before the words stop and trying again usually enables him to correctly pronounce words that came out garbled the first time around.

The other effect of the stroke is his ability to write. As with speech, he knows what he wants to write, but with pen in hand he is unable to spell the words and shape the letters. He simply cannot make his hands do what his brain is telling them. I am confident that he will regain this ability with time. He starts speech and occupational therapy tomorrow and I am praying for the same grace and fortitude over the long haul that he displayed in the crisis time.

My mother is a tower of strength. It takes some forceful persuasion, aka ganging up on her, to convince her to go home and rest. My sister and I plotted (jokingly) with the night nurse to make her go home and let me stay at the hospital. She is always worried about someone else's comfort and not her own.  She said to Anne and me, "Just because you two are here, don't think you can tell me what to do." Oh, Mama, believe me, we don't. But if we're worried about you, we'll still try.

She is not only strong. She is also very gracious. So kind to the nurses and vocally thankful. One evening, as she sat at my dad's bedside and looked out toward the hall, an orthopedic tech across the hall caught her eye. He waved. She waved back ... and then got up and walked out in the hall and chatted with him. The next morning, he came in to visit in my dad's room. Daddy didn't need an orthopedic tech but John popped in anyway to say hello to his new friends for the day. My parents made many such friends in the hospital over those few days.

I mentioned to someone the other day that after-stroke care is a team sport. In addition to the major player on this team, my amazing mother, my sister and brother-in-law came to help. They, too, are amazing. Hard working, funny, thorough, resourceful, tireless. That in the midst of a rather serious situation, we all laughed a LOT, is a gift, a grace that I appreciate deeply. The first night home, we sat around the table and played Uno. My dad, who doesn't usually join in the group games, suggested it. There were moments I laughed til I almost cried. And so did my mom and my dad. So did my sister and brother-in-law. It was a rather hilarious evening. Who'd have thought we'd be doing that?! Surely, it was healing laughter.

There are many challenges ahead. As I said, my dad will have to work to regain his words, both spoken and written. It won't always be easy, I'm sure. My mom will have many nights ahead of waking two, three, four times to come and help my dad, and lots of daily care. The recovery will, I'm sure, feel slow at times, the tasks, daunting.

It is time to stop now. Time for bed. We have an early start tomorrow, to take Daddy to his therapy, so I need to head to bed. I can't tie this post up with a neat bow tonight, but then, life is not often tied up in neat bows, is it? It's messy and unpredictable, but full of good gifts, nonetheless.

Goodnight, my friends. Thanks for reading. I'll try to be back tomorrow ...

Missing ... but thankful

Tonight I am missing my children. I just looked back at our beach pictures and wanted them all here again. Wanted them on the porch, candles lit, porch swing chain creaking as it swayed, cicadas thrumming in the background. Alas, they are spread far and wide. As I write, they are in rural New York state, Israel, Denver, Cary NC, New York City, Minneapolis, and Chapel Hill. I get to see the North Carolina boys, d-i-l, and grandbaby on Sunday. Hooray!

I marvel at these children. They are doing wonderful and amazing things and I stand back and watch and cherish the incredible gift I've been given in each one of them. As our family has grown through marriage and the births of grandchildren, I feel deeply thankful for each added person. One more to love. I pray for the grace to do it well.

Hello August, four days in

Enough catching up, don't you think? Oh, there's more, always more, but it's a new month so time to move on.

Here are a few things I am loving these days ...

Monday long rides with Coty
We've been taking longer bike rides, usually on Monday mornings, though we had two nice long rides on a little getaway a couple of weeks back - Tuesday and Wednesday rides, 42 and 22 miles. I am loving these long rides. In the countryside we ride through, the ripening corn is tall now. As we pass, the honey fragrance of the cornfield envelops us. Roosters crow and cows stand in a line under the cedar trees along a pasture fence line or wade up to their bellies in a muddy pond. We see red-tailed hawks on power-lines or atop tall snags. We catch the whiff of a skunk that has crossed the road in the early morning or see the remains of an unfortunate black snack, hit by a car as it warmed itself on hot pavement. The cotton plants are flowering now. Yesterday, we rode 33.4 miles. I was dragging at the end. The last few hills felt higher and longer than the last time I'd ridden them, my quads and knees weary, the bandana I tie around my head totally soaked. I checked the temperature on my bike computer as we pulled into the country church parking lot where we'd left the car and it said 95 degrees. No wonder I felt wrung out. Next week, we'll start earlier!

Garden tomatoes
It's that time of year. The German Johnsons I planted in the top terrace are ripening. There are not nearly enough of them, however, to satisfy the desire for vine ripened tomatoes, so I go to our little local farmer's market on Monday afternoons to replenish our supply. My sister, who has a larger tomato patch than me, has also shared some of her bounty. Really, there is nothing quite like a garden tomato, just picked and warm from the sun, sliced up and eaten with just a twist of freshly ground salt and pepper.


Recorded books by Ivan Doig
I listened This House of Sky, back in May. Masterfully narrated by Tom Stechschulte, Doig's memoir recounts his growing up years among sheepherders and ranchers in Montana. His widowed father grudgingly resorts to asking his mother-in-law to live with him and help raise his son. The lives of father, son, and grandmother become interwoven in unforeseen intimacy as they share the hardships of ranch life, growing up, and growing old. I've also listened to three of Doig's novels: Whistling Season, Work Song, and Sweet Thunder. Of his writing "creed", Doig wrote:

“If I have any creed that I wish you as readers, necessary accomplices in this flirtatious ceremony of writing and reading, will take with you from my pages, it’d be this belief of mine that writers of caliber can ground their work in specific land and lingo and yet be writing of that larger country: life."

Doig died in April of this year. Here is the NY Times tribute to him.

Designing a quilt around some of my wax fabrics from Chad
Back in February, Coty went to Chad. He came home with three gorgeous pieces of wax fabric for me. I've been looking and looking at them and been loath to cut into them, but I finally took rotary cutter to two of them and began designing a sort of medallion quilt. I started with one of my favorite quilt patterns, Flying Geese. Then I drew from the free form cutting ideas in quilts of Nancy Crow and patterns in Cultural Fusion Quilts and starting cutting and sewing curved sections of fabric together. Finally, I did something inspired by a pile of quilt blocks I picked up at an estate sale a few months ago and did some improvisational cutting and piecing. I don't know how this quilt is going to end up, what it's going to look like, whether or not I'm going to like the finished product, but it's a learning process that I'm enjoying.

 Please excuse the fuzzy quality of this picture. It was taken in less than optimal light!

Almost daily Snapchats from New York City
Back in early July, Andrew moved to New York. I am missing him so much, but he's great to send me snapchats several times a week. Street scenes, skyline vistas, Central Park-scapes, office views. I love seeing what he's seeing and I can't wait to visit and see the sites with him.

What are you loving these days?

Catching up #7: One more quilt

 

 I finished the binding on Levi's cowboy quilt before they left so he could take it home with him. I wrote about it here while it was in process. I think he likes it!

Catching up #6: Another little quilt

This little quilt was made for Matthew and Kailie as a memento of their wedding rehearsal dinner and the wedding party celebration we had here in NC several months after the wedding. I finished it up right before we went to Matthew's graduation back in May ... in time for their first wedding anniversary!

I had some fabric left over from their wedding quilt so used it to make half square triangles with one side a piece of off white cotton. The squares were used to decorate the tables at the rehearsal dinner and all the guests were asked to sign a block, using a permanent fabric pen. Even the kids at the dinner signed blocks, as you can see. Those are some of my favorite blocks.

At their NC party last November for folks who hadn't been able to join us at the wedding, I used a piece of the same off white cotton and had people at that party sign it. This piece was used for the back (sorry, no photo of the back).

I hadn't planned it this way, but had just the right number of gray, orange and blue HST's to make a chevron design. I had the orange sari fabric with white zig-zag on it in my stash and that was the perfect fabric for the border. Some antique buttons, a bit of ric rac, and some embroidered flowers from the orange sari embellish the front of the quilt.

It was fun and easy to make and will, I hope, remind them of all the loving family and friends that celebrated with them on their special day!

Catching up #5: The beach

Do you know how hard it is to get six grown children who are scattered around the country - some married, some with children - all (minus one son-in-law) in the same place at the same time, all together, when there is not a family wedding happening? It is very hard, practically unheard of, requires months-in-advance planning. It's a minor miracle and a gracious gift.

I am thinking back on that sweet time with our family together and feeling incredibly thankful for our children who all made the sacrifices of time and money to get there. They are now scattered quite widely again. In fact, as of 1:00 yesterday afternoon, none of our children were here, none even in this same city. Ouch! Not a situation this mother particularly likes. A couple are still in-state, but only one son, one sweet d-i-l, and one grandbaby will be in NC come tomorrow afternoon. They should get some kind of prize, don't you think?!

The porch swing sat empty this morning. Only the cat joined me as I sat in the quiet with my coffee, Bible, and books. Ah, but let's not think about that right now. Here, with minimal further comment, are a few wonderful reminders of our all-together, completely wonderful beach week ...

 Aunt Kailie and Uncle Matthew and Clara, wave jumping 

Good morning, babies.

 Not only were all 14 of us there, but we had the privilege of times together with my parents and sister's family. Barbeque on Sunday night supplied by my mom. And see all those peaches in the middle of the island. Thank goodness, McCleod's is on the way to the beach. We stop there, coming and going, every beach trip.

 We even managed a family photo which isn't half bad. (Cue the comments from the 20 somethings about photo sharing online and the unnecessary imposition of posing while everyone gets a picture with their own camera or phone). Here we are ... great grandparents (my beautiful Mama and Daddy), grandparents (that's Coty and me!), Great Aunt Anne and Uncle Rusty, brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren. That's us, ya'll.

  

 Porch time. Beach version.

 The last time this particular group of people was all together (minus the children, of course) was at Lil's wedding. Erin was 13, Matthew was 3!

My children can cook!  And they did. 

Each one took a dinner, planned the menu, and cooked for the rest of us. 

We ate very well.

 Aunt Yogi supervises handstands.

Always a baby to hold and play with ... 

Some of us made a visit to one of my favorite places on earth, Brookgreen Gardens, 

which was only a couple of miles from our house.

Sandcastles ...

 Walks with uncles ...

Lots of Frizcup. These two are the champs. 

 Lots of cornhole on the beach

 Coty and all 5 sons went for a run together on the beach on Father's Day morning!

And now, we're all scattered ... the guys from left to right in New York City, Cary (NC - he's the one that gets the prize ; ), Minneapolis, Nashville, and Denver. And Erin, on her way back to rural New York state near the Vermont border. 

Looking forward, as always, to the next time we gather, whenever and wherever that may be!

Catching up #2: A Quilt Reveal

I love showing you quilts but can't always do it when they are in process because they are so often gifts. Erin and Luke celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary on June 5th (really??? 10 years! hard to believe). I'd been working on their quilt for ooooh, three or four years and was very glad to finish it and get it in the mail in time for their actual anniversary.

I suppose I wasn't actively working on it that long, but I did start collecting fabrics quite a while back. I also quizzed Erin on colors and quilt styles that she liked. She mentioned the Double Wedding Ring and together we picked a few fabrics. Fabric shopping with her was helpful and gave me good ideas about color and fabric styles. I also purchased a Marti Michell Double Wedding Ring template set a few years ago.

Maybe a year and a half back , I started cutting fabric. Lots and lots of little tiny arc pieces which were chain pieced over quite a few months. I would work on the quilt and then put it aside, pull it out again and have to re-read all my directions and start over. Did that a few times with both the arc piecing and the "clamshell" construction. (See here to get an idea of how it came together. This isn't the template set I used, but it's a helpful graphic).

97 "melons" with 1,358 tiny arc pieces sewn around 42 center diamonds later, I was done with the top! I chose vintage looking print for the back and used a Windsor blue marbled fabric to bind it. I'm pleased with both choices. The long arm quilting was done by Rebecca Verrier-Watt and, as always, her work is top notch!

I like to embroider my quilt labels and then hand-stitch them to the back.

Happy anniversary, Erin and Luke!

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And thanks, Lindele - for reading, for your comment, and for your love of fabrics and quilting that inspired me so long ago. Wished we lived closer and could sew together!

Catching up #1

Oh, my word ...it's been way too long, friends. I apologize. Though I do sometimes wonder if anyone lands in this space any more and bothers to read since I have been so remiss about posting lately. That's gotten to be a constant refrain, hasn't it?! I think about posting, but there just doesn't seem to be physical time or mental space to sit down and plunk it out here. But, I have hopes ... hopes of writing more.

How about a little catching up to start with. The last post was pre-triathlon. Andrew and I did the TriLatta on June 13th and I can honestly say that it was a blast! I was worried about the swim and figured if I made it through that open water swim without freaking out, I was good. I am happy to report that doing the practice swims paid off and I was calm and happy during the race. I never felt like I was hyperventilating, never had to roll over on my back, hardly even breast-stroked. It was easier than I anticipated to site the large red tomato shaped buoys and I even sort of "drafted" behind or alongside other swimmers. I was so happy when I finished the swim that I flashed a thumbs up at my cheering squad and headed up the hill to T1 (first transition).

I took my time getting ready for the ride. Wiped the sand and dirt off my feet. Put on socks. Drank some electrolyte drink. Remembered to tie on a bandana for the sweat (I hate getting sweat in my eyes) and buckle my helmet.

The bike ride was fun. I passed people going uphill. That, my friends, was a thrill that I had not expected. I passed a woman I had met the night before (at the pre-race meeting) on the uphills and she leapfrogged past me on the downhills. I ended up finishing before her in the bike portion, but she passed me on the run. No surprise there.

The run went pretty much as I expected, which is to say ... slow. Quite slow.  I walked some of the uphills, but did it with no shame as I saw people who were in front of me also walking. It was so encouraging to see Coty at several points along the run course. He is the epitome of race spectators. He figures out just where to go and shows up oftener than you expect along the course with claps, cheers, words of encouragement, and coaching. "Drop your shoulders, sweetheart. You're looking great!" (which I don't really think I was at that point, but it was still nice to hear, and yes, I did drop my shoulders and try to relax the rest of the way to the finish).

After crossing the finish line and seeing Coty and Andrew, I burst into tears. Just. so. happy! Andrew had finished strong, running the 5k at the end faster than he expected. We talked about doing the TriLatta again next year or finding another race. I'm thinking about a race in the fall, perhaps. We'll see. Anyway, I'm so glad we did it, enjoyed it thoroughly, and want to continue doing triathlons as long as I'm able.

Just a few more yards to go. 

There's Coty in the red shirt behind me heading toward the finish line.

 

My triathlon partner moves to New York City next week. Though we haven't trained together, except for a few bike rides, it meant a lot to work toward the same goal with my son, Andrew. Hoping we'll both keep it up and compete in another race together before too long!

 

The road map

Well, the nest is empty again for a bit. Joel came home from his second year at Chapel Hill, very glad to be home for the rest of May. To sit on the porch and read, to make fires out back with friends and talk into the wee hours, to eat home cooking, to work his old job for a while and make some money to carry him through a summer with an unpaid internship. Yesterday, after church and lunch together, he left for Nashville in his new/old car. I'm happy to report he made the almost 7 hour trip just fine. He texted last night that his host family are coffee lovers. Yay for that. My coffee buddy's in good company, it sounds like.

Coty snapped a picture for me as we said good-bye outside the restaurant yesterday. When I looked at the picture, I cringed a little. Oh, my! The wrinkles look deeper and well ... more abundant. I thought, "Maybe it was the lighting, maybe the bright sun made them show up more, maybe I don't really quite look like that."



Then I remembered a lovely interview I heard recently. As she pointed to her face and the etched lines at the corner of her mouth and the outline of her cheek, actress Frances McDormand said, "That one, that one right there. That's Pedro.That's my son, Pedro.  20 years of going, 'Hi!' and 'Wow!'  ...this is the map ... this is the road map."

So, imagine, if you will that I point to those lines at the corners of my eyes as I say, "This is 20 years of saying 'Hi!' and 'I love you' and 'Way to go!' and so much more." The lines are years of smiling, even at good-bye, entrusting this young man to the God he (and i) love and endeavor to serve.

In fairness, of course, I must say that many others are etched into that road map face of mine. Five other children who have made me smile and laugh (and yes, frown and cry), a husband of almost 36 years, grandchildren, parents, sister, nieces and nephews, friends ...

Thank you all, dear ones. Every picture of my face is that road map, pointing back to years of loving you. Or, if you don't mind as I mix my metaphors, each picture, a gallery in which your lives in mine are on permanent display.

Happy anniversary to us!

35 years ago today, we made a covenant with each other.  A mere two years after making it, we were on the verge of breaking it. Selfish, self-centered, focused on our own agendas, completely ignorant of how to work toward unity, we were headed in a very dangerous direction. But God in his infinite mercy turned us around. It is rather terrifying to think what life would have been like had we not been rescued by the overflowing love of a gracious God. Through the joys and vicissitudes of marriage, through children and moves and job changes, through happy seasons of ease and light, through times of uncertainty and dark seasons of pain, we have walked and grown and learned what it means to be one.

I am more me and he is more him and we are more us than we have ever been. Unity in marriage has not diminished our personalities in the one, but made us more completely who we are as individuals as we have experienced the perfecting work of submitting to each other in love.

This is hard work.  The flush of young love wore off long ago.  It has been replaced by the patina of years of coming through together, of looking back after traversing a particularly treacherous passage and realizing we'd made it in one piece, we were stronger, and we could actually laugh in joy and triumph together.

This is rather a mystery, how you can become more yourself, more who you are meant to be, as you become more united with another. But then, the God who rescued us as a young, headstrong, foolish, selfish couple tells us it is not just a mystery, but a profound mystery. I have pondered often this image of marriage as a reflection of Christ and the church. Christians are not subsumed into the Godhead; the church, the body of Christ is not obliterated by union, but sanctified, made more complete, more who she is meant to be.

I am a complementarian. Some of you will know, or at least think you know, what I mean by this. For those of you who don't, I simply mean that I understand marriage in the way it is described in Ephesians 5. (Go read it). There is a headship and submission in marriage that is a reflection of the headship and submission between Christ and the church.  I run the risk, I know, of being lumped in with the caricatured version of this picture.  The macho, demanding, unswerving, harsh "head" husband and the timid, weak, mousey, victimized, "submissive" wife. But this is merely a caricature and could not be further from my experience or further from what I think the biblical picture truly is.

I have come to see that the caricature has arisen because people have not truly understood unity; not truly understood that the goal in marriage is not to be good at performing some sort of role, but that the goal is to be one. I am thankful for that insight that became more clear after teaching together on marriage at a seminary in a small town in Cameroon in 2001. I am thankful for that insight that we found so beautifully described by Tolstoy in Anna Karenina (I'll copy that selection to the comments in case you'd like to read it).

We've been married now for 35 years. There were some wonderful things that we did in the first two years, but they were mostly tearing down and learning by mistake years. Since then, for the last 33 years, Coty and I have set our hearts and minds and wills to work toward unity. By God's grace and with his enabling, we will continue to strive for it.

We did it!

Andrew and I signed up this week for the Tri Latta Sprint Triathlon in June so we have five months to get ready. The race includes a 750 meter open water swim, a 17 mile bike ride, and a 5K run. I've certainly got my work cut out for me.  I'm psyched ... and a little bit scared, wondering what I've gotten myself into.  But mostly, I'm psyched and eager for the increased rigor of training with a focus. Working toward a goal.

My husband, always eager to encourage and enable my athletic endeavors gave me a new, much lighter, road bike for Christmas. It's taking a little bit of getting used to - new shifters and a different posture on the bike, but it's sure nice on the hills!  I can tell quite a difference.

Tri-training 2015.  Here we go!

26 years ago, I woke in the middle of the night (2:15 AM, to be exact) and didn't feel so good.  I was nine days past my due date and soooo ready to give birth.  I called the midwife and told her nothing was really happening yet.  In the middle of the call, she sensed a change in my voice and said she was on her way. Less than two hours later (4:05, to be exact), we held our baby boy in our arms.

His birth came fast and was a bit more, shall we say, exciting, than we had expected. A slow heart rate momentarily during labor and the cord tight around his neck at birth were just a bit scary for us, but our midwives did what midwives do and delivered him with care and skill.  That baby boy got his name the next day. "He looks like a Thomas," I said.  Named after his father, he's the one that most resembles Coty in looks.  He takes after him in many other ways, as well.  He's planning to run his first marathon in March.  The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

He became a father this year, as you faithful readers know.  One of the great joys for me in 2014 has been watching my son care for his son.  He is a very good father, a very involved father, not a bit afraid of his newborn or tentative like some new dads.  I watch him cuddle his little boy, watch him change diapers, tickle and toss his baby in the air with confidence and joy.  I am filled with delight and gratitude.

Happy birthday, Thomas. It's been quite a year, hasn't it!

About time

It's about time for me to stick my head in the door and say hello.  Really, it's way past time - poor neglected blog.  I do wonder if anyone is still out there reading.  If you are, thanks for bearing with me and checking back in from time to time.  I'm still here but my energies are spent in other places and ways than writing here.  Gone are the days, it seems, when I wanted to post a few times a week. The words come less easily these days, but who knows, maybe a change in the season will signal a change in my proclivity to write.

It has been, so far, a rather busy, eventful fall.  Erin, Clara, and Levi were here for three glorious weeks.  There was no rushing about to fit everything in.  We celebrated birthdays and swam every day til it got too chilly.  We went to the library and the playground.  We had family company two of the weekends. Clara practiced riding her bike, discovered Tinker Toys and Legos, and dressed up in her mom's old "ball gowns."  Levi clapped and waved and smiled and ate and ate and ate.  We read books and sewed, colored and cooked.  We went to the Raptor Center and the shoe store and ate frozen yogurt at Sweet Frog.

Three short days after Erin and the kids left, Coty and I hopped on a plane and headed to San Diego, where we attended a meeting/retreat of the Treasuring Christ Together network of church planters.  It was a sweet time of hearing stories of God's work, and getting to know these folks of whom I've heard so much.  In addition, we got to visit with our old friends, John and Helen, and meet their new baby girl, Ariel.  What a treat!

The second morning we were in San Diego, John picked Coty and me up before dawn and took us to La Jolla Cove for an open water swim.  I almost chickened out. The prospect of cold water on a chilly morning and swimming in the open water with seaweed and seals (!) gave me pause.  But thankfully, my adventurous side won out.  We arrived at the cove to the not so fragrant stench of seal and seabird excrement (sorry), walked the long flight of steps down to the gravelly beach, and stepped into the chilly waves.  There was nothing for it but to dive in and start swimming.  We couldn't see the quarter mile buoy when we started swimming, but after a few yards, the slight panic left and was replaced with wonder and excitement.  I'm actually doing this.  Wow!  I loved it the rest of the way and am so glad we went.  It's an experience I won't forget.  Thrilling, really.

This is where we started.  Right where that little person is standing ...

We swam out toward a buoy a quarter mile away, which we could barely see ...

 partway across the cove,

while seals and seabirds watched.

So very glad to have done this swim!

 Then after our breakfast meeting, we headed to the bay and the beach with a very fun group of TCT folks,

 for a paddleboard race between the San Diego and Charlotte pastors.

The old guys won in a photo finish! Yay for Coty and Fred!

And then a few of us women gave the paddleboards a try.

Then a block's walk to the beach for games and swimming and more refreshing conversation and fun.

What a sweet time with our TCT family.

On Thursday, Coty and I headed to Seattle ... but I'll save that for another day!