Tired

I'd been hoping to "make-over" that lower terrace this summer.  I reworked one bed a couple of months ago, digging and amending the soil and transplanting daylilies, hostas, and parsley. The rest of the lower terrace garden has languished, a sad assortment of shasta daisies, a knock-out rose, and lots of weeds. Back in May, I added an astilbe and a hydrangea in the shady corner, but the path was an uneven and the whole thing was weedy mess crying out for attention and restoration.

Today was the day.  I dug, moved rocks, hauled topsoil, chopped and added leaves to the beds, smoothed the path, laid down landscape fabric on the path and spread cypress mulch on it.  I lined the beds with the afore mentioned rocks (which are really chunks of concrete that we scavenged years ago), and planted and transplanted ... another hydrangea, several hostas, some impatiens, ferns, ajuga, and a lone coral bell that had gotten squeezed out by a vigorously growing hosta in bed in front of the house.

Today's work is done now and the sprinklers are running, watering in the new plants.  I am bone weary, arm hanging limp tired.  I may not be able to move in the morning.  But I like this kind of job-done-weary ... and it is a beautiful night.  The cicadas are humming and I expect I'll hear an owl or two in a little while.  Lightning bugs are twinkling here and there and the full moon will be up in a little while.

I am grateful.  So very grateful ... for arms to lift and haul, rake and dig; for legs that carry me back and forth, uphill and down; for good tools; for a well that has never run dry; for the white hydrangea and phlox blossoms that shimmer in a moonlit garden.

Tenth Tuesday, 2011

Ten weeks into the year.  Seems it just got started with a wedding and now, already, it is spring!

We started this week with company - a dear friend who is one of the pastors from our mother church.  This is his 8th year visiting us in March.  We hope he keeps up the streak!  David's daughter, son-in-law, and granddaughter are here, too.  How fun to get to know this couple that we've heard so much about and play with a little one who is only 20 days younger than Clara!

So, starting out the week with a full house, I give thanks for...

David's visit
The chance to open our home to his family.  What a privilege!
Sunday lunch out with Fred and Lori
Daffodils everywhere, forsythia, too, and...
Bradford pears - not my favorite - but a sure sign of the arrival of spring
Learning to distinguish the songs of the chorus frogs
A clean garage
Thomas and Kay nearby
Bright sun on a Monday morning
A looooong walk with Heidi last Friday
Andrew.  Home.  Hooray!
A trip to Colorado coming up
Quilt binding

#s 1719-1732

Ninth Monday, 2011

It's an ordinary day.  No major excitement.  Except for the roaring wind outside, it's quiet.  A bit slow.  I welcome it, this first day in a week of less: less running, less teaching, fewer commitments.  It's a slow week sandwiched between some very full, busy, outward focused times.  I plan to attend to some projects that have been pushed aside and put off in the fullness of the days. 

Starting this week with thanksgiving...

1697.  Wind roaring outside just now*
1698.  Daffodils, forsythia - the yellows come first
1699.  Two afternoons to dig, rake, prune, weed
1700.  A first time visit to a friend's farm home
1701.  Lunch out with friends after church
1702.  Watching Joel play soccer
1703.  Hearing the goalie say he feels protected when Joel's in his position at center back
1704.  Sitting with Thomas and Kay in church
1705.  Anticipating new projects
1706.  Reading in the hammock
1707.  A tidied garden
1708.  A gift given for a new computer (thank you, thank you, thank you!)
1709.  Reading, singing, praying together at home
1710.  This morning's walk
1711.  The privilege of doing pre-marital counseling with couples together with Coty
1712.  Crisp apples, tart clementines, sweet dates
1713.  Thoughtful, insightful writing
1714.  Sweet time with my sister-in-law.
1715.  God's faithfulness and enabling to persevere
1716.  Waiting
1717.  Spring breaks and boys heading home before long!
1718.  Remembering a dear friend who went home four years ago yesterday

* That roaring wind reminds me of the first lines of Amy Carmichael's poem, posted four years ago as Linda was nearing her death. 

"Before the winds that blow do cease,
Teach me to dwell with Thy calm;
Before the pain has passed in peace,
Give me, my God, to sing a psalm.
Let me not lose the chance to prove
The fullness of enabling love.
O Love of God, do this for me:
Maintain a constant victory."

Surely, thanksgiving is one of the ways we dwell within His calm.  And this counting, a small chance to prove the fullness of His enabling love.

Eighth Tuesday, 2011

On Sunday, we sang

"Ten thousand, thousand precious gifts
My daily thanks employ;
Nor is the least a cheerful heart
That tastes those gifts with joy."
                    from the hymn When All Thy Mercies by Joseph Addison (c1710)

Tasting with joy today...

warmth, delicious warmth with sun spilling across the kitchen
humming sewing machines
my sister-in-law, here for a week
backpacking sewing projects to figure out
the first daffodils blooming!
Lenten roses bursting into blossom, too
a new pool liner - come on spring and summer
laughter and fun at a church business meeting
co-op moms
quilt fabrics
color
little Jon's home from the hospital at last!


#1684- 1696

Fourth Monday

This morning, I read:

The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies me...(ESV)

and in another version,

He who sacrifices thank offerings honors me... (NIV)

Psalm 50:23

The dictionary gives definitions:

thanksgiving - "the act of giving thanks; grateful acknowledgment of benefits or favors."

sacrifice -"the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim."

So, how is it that giving thanks is a sacrifice?  What does it mean that acknowledging benefits or favors is the surrender of something prized?  What do we give up when we offer the sacrifice of thanksgiving.

We give up control and self-exaltation. We give up the illusion that everything we have has come to us as a result of our striving, our intellect, our skill.  Oh, we may work hard and be smart and talented, but saying thank you to God helps me to recognize that all I have, even if I have worked hard for it, is all a gift, because even the ability to work for it is a gift.  Every breath is a gift.  I can't manufacture a single one on my own.

We give up our self-limited assessment of what is good and bad.  It is a not so hard to say thank you for the things I deem to be good in my life.  I don't always do it and in a sense, it does involve a sort of sacrifice to take the time and effort to voice or pen my thanks.  But it is a small sacrifice when what I am giving thanks for is something I like - a good night's sleep, a beautiful bird, a happy family gathering, good food.  

What is harder to do is to thank God for the bad things, the things that don't look good or in any way feel good to me.  This costs me more because if I say thank you for the brokenness, the tragedy, the hurt, the pain, the plans that did not go as I had hoped, I am acknowledging that these things are a part of God's will for my life and that they are ultimately good. (1 Thessalonians 5:18 and Romans 8:28).

This costs me.  I have to surrender what I want, let go of what I prize, forgo what I desire for a higher and more pressing claim. Giving thanks for things for which I feel no natural gratitude forces me to recognize that God orders my circumstances for purposes beyond my limited vision.  It is an uneasy, unnatural, uncomfortable position, which is only abated if I see the happy ending on the horizon.  But that happy ending is often clouded and hidden.  And it may just be that there is no happy ending ... in this life.

I re-read the verse again, all the way to the end:

The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies me;

to one who orders his way rightly I will show the salvation of God!  

There's a promise in there.  Two actually.

Offering thanksgiving as my sacrifice glorifies God.  That's the first promise.  How exactly saying thank you for the hard, ugly, bad things can glorify God is what I was trying to get at above.  When I am less and He is more, He is glorified.  When I accept as good whatever circumstances He gives, I acknowledge my limited scope and His boundless knowledge, wisdom, and power ... and He is glorified.  I think that's how it works.

The second promise is this: I will be shown the salvation of God. That's the happy ending.  The great thing is, though, that this salvation is both future and now. I look forward to it and I live in it.  Today.  I think that's what Ann is talking about when she writes, "Our very saving is associated with our gratitude."

So today, I offer thanks for ...

1645.  The move to North Carolina, a bit more than 8 years ago.  I didn't want to come.  It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.  It has had unexpected hardships, both physical and spiritual.  It was God's good plan.

1646.  A divisive season in our church life a few years back.  It was another of the most painful things I've ever gone through.  It ate up my soul for awhile and made me want to quit and run away, far, far away.

1647.  Brokenness and pain in my family.

1648.  Physical distance from dear ones.  Especially hard after they have all been here.

1649.  Friends who have gone through and continue to go through heartbreaking tragedy and painful trial: a stillborn baby, the loss of a son, continuing confusing illnesses and surgeries, unwelcome news from the doctor, life plans that didn't go as hoped, financial struggles.

In some of these things, I can see how God has worked and is working.  In others, it is a mystery.  I hope, simply that as I train my heart to the sacrifice of thanksgiving, God is honored.  It is a hope that the Psalmist holds out to me this day.

Third Tuesday 2011

It's a good thing, when you feel weak and tired,
when the last of your visiting children has hopped on an airplane to a far-away place,
when the exhaustion finally begins to hit, 
and you feel the let down of all that time of sweet togetherness
and really just want to crawl in the bed
and cry.

It's a good thing to stop and remember the gifts of recent days, large and small,

And to tell Him thank you for:

children...
who come home for long breaks
and those who call when they leave home
and skype
and those who send beautiful notes
and those who bring over laundry and jump dead batteries
and those who let me hug them and cry way too early in the morning

the sweetest little granddaughter in the world...
who can say Gramma now so clearly
and smiles when she sees me.

friends...
who read emails late at night and respond
who pray fierce prayers
and give you strong counsel
and shoot you an expression across a hall that says "I understand."
and those that laugh with you

parents...
who are brave 
and generous
and supportive
and don't quit
and break up snow with a pitchfork
and try the latest gadgets
and are OK after a trip to the ER


a husband...
tender
persevering
wise
who loves babies
and the word of God
and welcomes visitors
even when he's really tired
and walks every day
and almost, always says yes when the question is, Daddy, do you want to play?

Every good and perfect gift 

comes from above, from the Father of  lights 

who does not change like shifting shadows. 

James 1:17


#'s 1617-1644

Second Tuesday - 2011

Quiet morning time with Bible and books
A hug from behind, a kiss in passing
A caring phone call
Chocolate chip pancakes
Real maple syrup


Red-bellied woodpecker and yellow-rumped warbler
Goldfinch and Carolina wren
White-throated sparrow and chickadee
Flash of male cardinal
And swoop of mockingbird

Snow and a runner sled loaned by a neighbor
Dogwood branches and buds encased in ice
An icy walk around the block
Crust of ice on the snow cracks under our feet
Warm boots, warm coat, warm hat
Hot drinks

Newlyweds here for dinner
Games and boys here to play them

A warm bed and a warm embrace awaiting

Thank you, Father, for the good gifts of this day.

#'s 1591 - 1616

First Tuesday - 2011

I hardly know where to start.  We had a house full of company, Christmas celebrations, a birthday, an anniversary, a rehearsal dinner, AND a wedding.  In a week.  After a last breakfast visit with departing extended family members yesterday, I came home and got the downstairs in order. Then I stopped.  As in full stop.  Period.  With a book and a pot of tea.  I didn't move from my chair for several hours.  It was wonderful.

In all midst of all the celebrating, a new year has come and I have thought very little about goals and desires for this year.  Organizing a wedding tends to push other thoughts to the background!  So, when I went to pick up a few more snacks for the groomsmen on the morning of the wedding (which was also New Year's Day) and the cashier at the store asked if I had any resolutions, I thought for a second and said, "To keep doing the good things."

One of the "good things" I will keep doing is this intentional chronicling of thanks.  Just as last year, one day early in the week, I will join with many others in giving thanks.  It is a very important marker for me, a cairn of remembrances that grows each week.

I read this morning in Psalm 40:

You have multiplied, O LORD my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told.

and

...may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation say continually, "Great is the LORD!"

With the psalmist, as I count and recount God's wondrous deeds, His endless gifts this year, I say Great is the LORD!

#1576 - 1590

Thomas and Kay are married
Family came and went, traveling safely
Adoring uncles doted on Clara
Everything pulled together so beautifully
So many sweet words were spoken to Thomas and Kay at the rehearsal dinner
We had incredible help from family and friends
Beautiful music - piano and cello
We had time to really visit
Fun - lots of fun
Aunts, uncles, cousins!!!
The "dream" maid of honor - Sarah was such a delight and help
Good, old friends who traveled far to be with us
And the food - delicious, plentiful, beautiful
All my children under one roof for a whole week!
Time to rest